choking

becoming somekind of lethargic mass

sleeping on/off/on/off alldaylong on/off/on

wallowing around

have a bagel and banana

turn the lights back off

hover under covers

and sleep

until it's dark

then do it again

nine more hours

what is wrong with me

srsly,though,idk

///

misto bear's bunny ears are slouching

he hopped off my twinbed

scared the cat

get him,Margot

except he is 3x yr size

'good luck with that'

\\\

here is more space, entering down, i'm going write something else irrelevant, non-related to latter post(s), so i'm going to put in these 'signs' to 'symbolize' i hope this makes 'sense' '\\\' AND/OR '///' but not ''/\/' or \/\' , those mean 'other things' , other things. run on sentence your face, this face, my face, a face, no face

///

this blanket reeks of laundry detergent

in a bad way

choking me with your freshness

you are too clean

///

listening to a band by some boy

i was with

#2

last spring break

what a trip

why

get off my playlist

you remind me of

uncomfortable things

but i like your songs

NEXT>>

\\\

i'm 'afraid' of putting my playlist on 'random'

for fear of a song playing that i don't like

or some song connected to a memory that makes me feel melancholy

i choose what i listen to carefully

for fear of emotional trauma

///

what am i doing

save now/ or publish post?

hm

why haven't i left my apartment yet

holidays are weird

alone

known, but unacknowledged

/\/\

radiator

chemicals

sushi

kitty cat

no pants

mixing

toning

eating seaweed salad

i think this sushi is old

tastes like it

kitty, get out of the chemicals

come on

get out of here

i'm trying to go blonde

shut the door

keep the heat in

absent chills

i tried xx tonight it was alright

why this consistent thing in my newsfeed with kids in beds under blankets in sloppy rooms with morning light taken with film cameras i want some of it i want in on some of this film grain too can i get in on some of it i want to take a picture of a cute boy in a bed under blankets drinking a coca cola too i want to represent my twenty-something life as it is when it is it is now oh that part that you do not see those things i do they do exist they have existed rather for the shortest periods hiding under the softest sheets with close breaths and deep eyes ; deep sighs but i cannot capture it for the boy does not exist

any longer

without this presence i am forced to pretend

maybe i should just transcend

t

__h

e (i)

_m

invisible carpet surprise

instantaneous

s/t/i\c\k!

penetration through

s|t|a|l|e skin

unsure of what it is? but

know it hurts ( blurt )

red drops spilling over crease, spilling

out

waterfountainlike Gush

some kind of chard deepwithin

fresh slice

dug out with nearest tool, dug out with exacto knife,

upon discovery, a

glass splinter

out/in/out again

she arrived at your backdoor, the place between your mind and your heart, she got a hold and she isn't letting go, No, she isn't letting go. you didn't even realize she was standing there, for a good five minutes, you didn't. your glass was too thick to break. too thick to shake your subconscious, your stirring mind of lost thoughts. she had to call you, she had to wait for you to let her in. she had to wait for you to open your door

she was grasping that knob so tightly holding (to your) outside, just to be welcomed [to you(r)] inside

just to be there when it was time to come in

you didn't know (then)

you still don't (now)

know?

know

( that )

you let her

in

story 1

he put his finger in her mouth and told her to bite down.

she couldn't figure out what he was implying or if he was even trying to.

they had only known each other two months.

<< ...

they met in some dive bar on the outskirts of town, during the middle of a june storm.

the bar seemed a bit dull this night, not unusual for a thursday. he came alone, sat for a beer, then felt like a smoke and made his way outside.

she arrived around the same time with two girlfriends, bar hopping after one of their birthdays. she felt bored being inside and needed to think about some things and politely excused herself from the table. she stepped outside under the awning for a smoke. he was leaning up against a rail looking at his feet, looking kind of miserable. she searched in her clutch for her carton of cigarettes, finding them but realized they were empty. she had lent her last one to her friend. she noticed he a few feet away was smoking and decided to ask if she could borrow one. he looked up from his shoes and mundanely obliged, "Sure." she thanked him and went about smoking. he turned back toward his feet. they were still standing kind of close since the awning was barely enough for four or five people. she was feeling slightly confident that evening, a first for her in a long time and decided to introduce herself. she wasn't made up or anything fancy, but she had this kind of natural beauty one doesn't find just anywhere. she said her name and he didn't look her in the eye or anything and told her his name. he seemed ok with talking, only a few words here and there, and continued to exchange pleasantries with her nonchalantly, she participating moderately more than him. while they conversed, the humidity with its thick palms gently caressed their faces. hers shone in the somewhat flickering bug light, drips of moisture complimenting her already glossy lips. he was too preoccupied at the time to notice her illuminated contour, as he stared blankly into the drizzle. his thoughts swirling with confusion as he examined his life and the recent events bringing him down. she barely knew his name much less his current circumstances but she picked up on him looking lonely and stayed, keeping him company, taking much longer to smoke her cigarette before returning inside...

tbc

srsly

get out of my dreams,plz (would you?) / starting to 'get to me' / i don't want to 'deal with this' anymore

t ck t ck |AND/OR| i/o

beach babes

scantily clad

bikini tan lines

swivel and hop and jiggy

bongos

sandy speedos

getting with it

getting a groove on

midday bake

jamaica vaca in late july

1955